Your Starship Captain Just Might Be A Redneck If...
- Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
- He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
- You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
- He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
- He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
- He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
- He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
- He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
- He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
- He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
- He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
- He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
- He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
- He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
- He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
- He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
- He paints the starship John Deere green
- He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
- He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
- His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
- He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
- His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
- He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
- His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
- he sets phaser to "Cajun"
© Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2006.