---------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Starship Captain Just Might Be A Redneck If...

---------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
  • He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
  • You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
  • He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
  • He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
  • He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
  • He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
  • He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
  • He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
  • He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
  • He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
  • He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
  • He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
  • He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
  • He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
  • He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
  • He paints the starship John Deere green
  • He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
  • He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
  • His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
  • He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
  • His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
  • He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
  • His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
  • he sets phaser to "Cajun"
---------------------------------------------------------------------

[Home]

SJTrek © Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2024.